Mother Teresa is Denied Entrance to Heaven

This is another poem that was written for my creative writing course in the Fall of 2009. It always interests me to see the varied reactions to Roman-Catholics in evangelical circles, and this poem is a parody of the viewpoint that many Wheaton students seem to secretly cling to. I'm sure I'm wrong about that, so don't worry, I'm not talking about you. I'm not very good about discussing themes in my verse, so if you think there's something there, tell me, and I'll repeat that in the future.

Mother Teresa is Denied Entrance to Heaven

First of all, call me Pete,

didn't anyone ever tell

you that saints

are a form of idol worship?

Why should we allow

someone like you

an idolater

to pass through

the pearly gates

and enjoy bliss?

What is that stench?

You smell like a slum,

when did you last wash?

Only the clean

can come in here,

cleanliness is Godliness.

The scent of the saved

is sweet and pure

(not like incense though),

you smell like a sty.

Didn't you read your Bible,

acts of faith must

be done in private,

what's this I hear

about a Nobel Prize?

Sounds like works

for all the world

to see, did you enjoy

your 15 minutes of fame?

My pal Matt wrote

about that, chapter 6

verses 1-4 ring a bell?

If the whole world

knew what your

right hand was doing,

your left did too.

I guess you never

heard the news,

Catholics aren't saved,

which is surprising

considering you only

had 500 years to learn.

No lighting candles

no papal bull,

no mount of purgatory,

AND NO MARY CRAP.

Forgive my language,

but Jesus is my

buddy, he's cool

as long as I gave

him my tenth

when I had funds to spare.

It won't help you now,

but here's the trick:

dirty work does nothing

a little donation won't

handle. Next time,

if you had a next time,

try some exegesis,

spend more time in

the lectern or pulpit

instead of by bedsides

or helping in hospitals;

who wants to make

Jesus look dull?