The mail came early,
you arrived late.
I had left early to greet you
but was met only by bills
and trash cans waiting
to be taken from the curb.
The house was full
of worry-breeding still.
Windows to idylls
showing crystalline fractures.
I read The New Yorker.
You arrived late.
The mail is on the counter.
It is good to see you.
I like the play back-and-forth between words and phrases. It's nice and pithy. I'm not sure if I like the flow of the last line though. I like what you're saying, but maybe if you made it "it's good.." instead of "it is good" it would sound more natural. Or maybe just rephrase it, but the last line feels a little out of place.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I see what you're saying. I'm going to toy with that for a while. Thanks, whoever you are, it's so nice to get some constructive criticism.
ReplyDelete